Me,My Life & I

OK so my last post about acting and all that got me thinking about just how much I do actually cover up and only let out when I'm in the skin of an imagined character.

The realisation that I hide my true feelings quite a lot disturbed me.

I'm getting fed up of living with this secret [alopecia]. I know everyone has their burdens to bear so I'm not going down give-me-sympathy-lane here but I'm just so tired of getting up every morning and going out wearing this mask.I've taken more and more to not bothering to try and hide my patchy head when I'm in the company of friends,after all,they're my friends,it shouldn't really bother them.I know it's not particularly pleasant to look at and I'm aware that it probably puts them in a bit of an uncomfortable situation if I'm sitting there,bald patches on display.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe it would be easier to just come out with it?It's not thaaat big a deal.Well,on one hand,it is.But on the other,its only appearance.And when I'm covered up,you can't really tell there's anything different about me.
I would just like to be able to have the freedom to move my head about without the worry of people discovering my secret,I'd be able to relax and know that people know what it is.

I don't know what my big thing about people knowing about it is,all I know that since I found out about it,the first priority for me has always been covering it up.

Maybe I'm disgusted by it? But I'm not because recently I've been feeling a lot better about the whole situation.

It's just getting to me having to live behind a mask and keep this big secret basically all to myself.

Living behind a mask is hard work,what do you's say to me taking it off?

Just felt like getting this little bit of me out in the open.

I love to act.In fact,when I'm acting,I don't feel like I'm acting,it's more like I'm letting parts of the real me out for a stretch instead of staying all bottled up and refined like I usually do.

When I'm on the stage, as cliched as this may sound, the rest of my life's worries just melt away and I feel like I could be anyone, do anything and achieve any of my dreams whilst I'm in the shoes of whatever character I might happen to be playing.

When I step into the spotlight I breath a sigh of relief in the knowledge that I'm about to do something that comes naturally to me,that I enjoy,and that makes me feel really good about myself.

I don't think some people understand the freedoms that the stage brings.You can be an apparently quiet person in real life but when you step into the shoes of another person and stride across the stage with seemingly put on confidence,you can let out that little part of yourself that is actually that confident.If you're a very 'proper' and refined person in your own life, you can step out onto that stage and get away with murder and behave badly,becoming the outrageous person that you would never be expected to be in real life.

Being another person,even if it is only for a very short while,is fantastic.You don't have to stick to any of the restrictions that society has put on you,you can just let go and be anyone you want to be,voicing your true feelings through the guise of someone else.

It annoys my friends that I talk about acting and drama so much,but I only talk about it so much because it's one of the only times I can forget about the worries that my real life has and just become the complete opposite of what I am and what I am expected to be,which sometimes,I'd really really like to actually be.I only talk about it so much because I have a passion for acting that I don't think they understand fully so I try and make them understand,which I suppose must come across as me trying to force my hobbies down their throats.

Really,I love acting so much because to me,acting is not putting on a show,it's letting stuff out behind a mask.