Me,My Life & I

This is more a note to myself than anything else.
Tonight I opened my bible for the first time in months.I was desperately seeking some kind of comfort and message from God.Over the past few months I have strayed so far from Him and feel incredibly distant.This in turn,I have noticed,has made me very unhappy.My alopecia has caused me so many problems and these doubts about my faith are not the least of them.I worry that it has hardened me emotionally so much,and that in turn has driven me away from the Lord.Over the past year or so I have noticed myself become so much more angry with my situation than I have previously been.This anger I have taken out on those whom love me most and I felt,up until last night when I sat down and spoke to my mum about it all,that I had pushed my mum away.Our relationship is different now,but I know I can still talk to her about anything.I prayed tonight for God to heal my heart and dispel this anger from me.I want to be whole again,instead of this torn apart person.So,I was searching desperately through Psalms to try and find something that expresses my current feelings,and I came to Psalm 25:

"O Lord I give my life to you.
I trust in you,My God!Do not let me be disgraced,or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.
No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced,but disgrace comes to those who try to decieve others.
Show me the right path,O Lord,point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me,for you are the God who saves me.All day long I put my hope in you.
Remember,O Lord,your compassion and unfailing love,which you have shown from long ages past.
Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth.Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,for you are merciful,O Lord.
The Lord is good and does what is right;he shows the proper path to those who go astray.
He leads the humble in doing right,teaching them his way.
The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.
For the honour of your name,O Lord,forgive my many,many sins.
Who are those who fear the Lord?He will show them the path they should choose.
They will live in prosperity and their children will inherit the land.
The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.He teaches them his covenant.
My eyes are always on the Lord,for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies.
Turn to me and have mercy,for I am alone and in deep distress.
My problems go from bad to worse.Oh save me from them all!
Feel my pain and see my trouble.Forgive all my sins.
See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me!
Protect me!Rescue my life from them!Do not let me be disgraced,for in you I take refuge.
May integrity and honesty protect me for I put my hope in you."

Amen

Different parts of this Psalm spoke to me in numerous ways tonight,and overall I feel it brought me back to God.I'm going to go through it for sake of myself,so that if,and there most likely will,come a time when I feel the way I currently do again,I can look back at this and remember how It Brought Me Back.

Verses 1 and 2A basically to me were my opportunity to turn this whole thing back over to God again.I didn't want a big long speech about how I was coming back and these simple words "O Lord,I give my life to you.I trust in you,My God!" said it all for me.

The rest of Verse 2 spoke about how I don't want this alopecia to defeat my faith,and give the devil victory in my life.I know that if I trust in God,that won't come to happen.So this verse felt relevant for that reason.

Verses 4 & 5 address the confusion I'm currently feeling about what to do with my life over the next few years.As I read this I prayed that God would set me in the right direction and show me the best way to go,as he always does.

Verses 8,9&10 I feel were me stating my belief in God's righteousness.He knows what's best for me and these verses allowed me to express that I believe that to be true.

Verses 11-15 reminded me that He has promised me good things for my future and that good things lie ahead if I let him guide me.

Verses 16-21 helped me get out a bit of the anger I'm feeling.It did feel slightly like I was praying the same thing I have prayed so many times before,for healing,strength and peace,but I prayed it in the knowledge this time that He does step in and help,if not in the way I always expect,he will come build me back up and pull me out of this mess,if I trust him and go with it.

So,here I am,back with God again after so much pain and anger.My anger is not gone,neither is my pain,but I feel that I am at least on the road to easing them and regaining the peace I have previously felt within myself,rather than on the destructive and very,very painful path that I have over the past while been heading down.It's done me no favours and only served to severly hurt me and those around me.But I feel that although this struggle is not over for me,these past few months of real despair have served to once again show me that I am much happier when I'm looking to God for help and not just struggling away on my own.It doesn't make all my problems go away,but it certainly eases my loneliness and aids the struggle more than a little.

Cheers for that God.Thanks for welcoming me back,again.

Until Next Time

Hey All.Here I am again.I think if I see many more films this week I'm going to have popcorn coming out of my ears.Here's my review for Shopaholic.Peace.

Well,to be frank,the film falls way short of anything special.It's a bit of a girly laugh.And thats all.Not that I was expecting a blockbuster,just something with the substance that the books have.Isla Fisher does a good job,although,and I feel this may be the script more than her portrayal,doesn't get across the guilt that the character in the books has over her debt.

I was pissed off about the location move from Britain to America.It's the same as they done with P.S I Love You - instead of the setting being Ireland in PSILY,the story was reworked so that it was just the man she married that was Irish.Similar thing here,she doesn't live in England,but her love interest is English. This trend of relocating settings to apparently reach a bigger audience is really starting to get to me.They've done it with Cirque De Freak aswell.Now I'm sorry if this offends,but as these films are being made by American companies,this leads me to think that the only reason the locations are so frequently being changed is so that the mainstream American audience will be able to relate more.I refuse to accept that the American public are so ignorant and close minded as to not be able to properly relate to a character in a location that is NOT America.I mean c'mon.It's ludicrous and stupid.

Now,there is some measure of debate amongst movie goers online [meaning there's a couple of discussions on IMDB about it ] about whether or not the time is right to release a film about ridiculous spending and luxurious living,what with the credit crunch and all.I firmly believe that this is,although not the best film in the box office just now,perhaps one of the most relevant.I think this for numerous reasons.
1)The film is about a woman trying to come to terms with debt and solve her debt problems.Her excessive spending is shown to have ruined varying aspects of her life and so I feel holds a message,however basic,about such spending.It does not glorify stupid spending,rather shows the downsides,albeit in a humerous manner.
2)At a time when nobody can afford anything,it was nice to be able to escape into the life of a woman who just bought anything she wanted.Fair enough it was shown that doing this done her no good,but the audience aren't spending like she is so they can guiltlessly get lost in this luxurious,high fashion world for an hour and a half.Escapism doesn't always solve problems,but it sure does help.

Overall,nothing special with this film,it just sparked a few thoughts about different things to do with the film industry at present.

Until Next Time

Ok so I've been watching waaay too much youtube videos as of late.It was always an enjoyable passtime but I fear that now it's becoming slightly obsessive.Anyway whatever.My friend introduced me to this guy's channel last night:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=boburnham&view=videos

His songs are hilarious,and remind me very much of flight of the conchords?

Anyway,this is my favourite,the rehab centre for fictional characters:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MboeozTBgD8&feature=channel_page

Until next time

Hey all,back again with yet another review.I've been a busy little beaver this week and it seems that all my months of cinema celibacy are being made up for in seeing a whole bunch of decent films these past few days.Today 'Doubt' was on the menu.Off we go.

This complex film is based on the play of the same name and tells the story of a Nun at a Parish School in the 60's who suspects a priest of molesting a young student boy.The play was adapted for the screen by the playwright and also directed by him and as such I take it to be true to the original text,despite not having read it.Supposedly the original play is left even more open-ended that its silver screen version.This is a haunting film that has no real conclusion,forcing the viewer to make the decision on Father Flynn's guilt based on what they've seen.I personally feel he was guilty,and I'll explain why later in the post.

The performances here are fantastic,with Meryl Streep stealing the show throughout.I really admire her as an actress and her ability to portray such differing roles yet deliver each with as much subtlety and talent as the other.She truly is a versatile actress.Her panic stricken and divided character was one with many layers and throughout the film her depiction peeled these away,culminating in her emotional breakdown at the end.
Fantastic Stuff.

Philip Seymour Hoffman also delivers a fantastic performance,never crossing on either side of the line between suspicious and pure,he always stays in that grey area.He manages to deliver an utterly ambiguous with sincerity and skill.

Now,onto why I feel Father Flynn is guilty.It is by a combination of reasons,but mainly because of his seeming confession when Streep's character says she has phoned his previous parish and found out about his past.Obviously,as we later discover this to be untrue,we don't know for definate that she found out anything horrific about him,but his reaction to this news seems to suggest guilt.Also,I took from his questioning Sister Aloysius about mortal sin that he had committed the acts and felt that he had been forgiven for them by his confession.Perhaps this is going on too little,but I feel that especially his conversation with the Sister about how he'd committed this sin seemed to be a confession of his guilt.
Also would he not have fought it out more if he wasn't guilty?If I was accused of such a thing and wasn't guilty I'd not go down without a fight,even if meant public scandal,I'd risk it to clear my name.

However,I feel the fact that it is never conclusively resolved as to whether or not Father Flynn is guilty is perhaps the point.It draws attention to the fact that the film is not about him or whether or not he is guilty,it is about Meryl Streep's character and the issue of doubt that everyone with faith must face at some point.And for those without a faith,I feel they must encounter something similar in the doubting of the goodness of mankind no?I must add that I feel Sister Aloysius's breakdown at the end 'I have such doubts' was not in reference to her decisions over Father Flynn as I believe she was fully convinced of his guilt,but over her faith in the Catholic Church which she had trusted for years.To witness,or to her mind feel that she has witnessed,such atrocities in the church is shocking and leaves her with very understandable doubts.

I think it is true what the Father said at the start of the film "Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone." is true.When you begin to doubt your faith it is extremely overpowering and very easy to let it consume you,just as when you are utterly certain of something it is easy to sustain that certainty.Also,the second part of the statement about not being alone when you feel lost was strangely comforting to me and made me realise that the feelings I've personally been having about my faith as of late are neither unusual or wrong.

Overall this is a thought provoking and very cleverly done film,that held messages for me on numerous personal levels.

Until Next Time

I'm going to attempt to make an iced coffee.
I'll let you know how that one goes.
Can this be classified as insomnia?
I can't sleep for thinking about my future.
Do I want to go back to school next year,or do I want to work for a year and then head off to Europe or America for a year and then head to Uni?That would make me one year behind the rest of my friends in starting Uni.But that doesn't bother me.I just feel like I need to travel because every time I look at my parents I realise that once you get out into the world and start doing all the things you need to do,time runs away and you can't get it back.
Also,I've been having a real feeling of restlessness.I feel so fed up with everything and I just want to get away from it all.Not that running away from my problems will solve anything,hell,one of them at least will follow me wherever I go,but I truly feel that getting out of this place will at least take my mind off things.
I want to see the world before it fails to be one of my top priorities.
School seriously doesn't feel like it's for me any more.I mean I'd like a prom and I'd like a yearbook,and another year in the new school building would be cool,but the whole environment and mundane predictability of the thing is getting to my head.
In fact the prospect of Uni just feels like its looming.I want to go of course,but I just need a break from all this education stuff.And travelling is how I want to do it.Definately.
But then if I waited until after sixth year,and then worked for a year,and then travelled,I'd be waaay far behind for starting Uni.What to do,what to do.
Any suggestions.
I'm off to try and make an iced coffee and think about things some more.
Night.
Hopefully.
x

Hey all,I'm back with another movie review,this time of Brad Pitt's latest project,The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.Here we go.

Ok so this little,or shall we say rather exhaustingly long,number is directed by David Fincher and adapted by Eric Roth from [I believe his own although I'm not positive] a short story.David Fincher does great work here,drawing solid performances out of his actors,making excellent use of a number of stunning settings,and using creative techniques that both help create a specific style and tone and move along the plot.I am sadly not familiar with a lot of Fincher's work,but with a list of directing credits behind him including titles such as 'Se7en' 'Panic Room' and 'Fight Club',I went in trusting this man was going to deliver something great,and that he did.

For those who don't know,The Curious Case of Benjamin Button recounts the tale of one man,Benjamin Button,who was born with the body of an old man,and grows into that of a baby.His mind reflects his actual age,not his physical appearance,so you can imagine the problems presented to him throughout his life.

Now,I am finally slowly coming to respect Brad Pitt,as previously I had felt he was only good for eye candy and not substance in terms of acting.After watching Se7en and a portion of Jesse James,my mind is beginning to change on this matter.I have yet to look at him in Fight Club or Interview With A Vampire,which are said to be two of his better performances,but my mind was previously pretty much made up. I believe he delivers a performance that meets the requirements of each age he portrayed in this complex role,although I could picture other actors delivering a performance of the same standard so he left me not totally wowed,although impressed.I feel his Oscar nomination for this performance is rather undeserved.

Cate Blanchett on the other hand should have been nominated for her performance in this film.She plays Benjamin Button's love interest throughout the film and subtly portrays the mixed feelings and confusion that her character feels at various points throughout.She outshone the other actors and I feel a nomination would have been truly deserved.

The music in the film is haunting and fits perfectly to the tone and feel of the piece,guiding the audience gently through the varying emotions that were being splashed across the screen.

My only real complaint about this film is that it goes on for too long.Yes,it is a life story and as such should take up a considerable amount of time,but I felt that for a while near the start,it was just dragging out a bit.It did pick up near the middle however and I enjoyed the rest of the film.The very start was also well paced.

Overall,this is a film that should not be missed.I'm not sure yet about my standing on the Best Picture Oscar,but this beautiful film will most definately be top of my choices to win.

Until Next Time

Hey Hey!After two years of blogging,I've finally posted 100 posts.They range from my thoughts on current news topics to film reviews and of course summaries of the passing months in my life.The purpose of this blog was always to function as a diary for a girl who finds pouring out her thoughts to a piece of paper very boring,but to potentially lots of people much more interesting.I keep this blog so I can look back at it in years to come and see what I was like now,how I felt and how I've changed.
Thanks for reading.
P.S-This marks post 101 :]

Hey guys.I'm back with my first movie review of the year,despite this not actually being the first film I've seen this year [I really did't want to waste anybody's time by reviewing Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist.]Here we go.Enjoy

Ok so this little piece was my,ashamedly,first Woody Allen film and I found it refereshingly different and very beautiful and it has encouraged me to want to watch more of his work. As the title betrays, the film is about two girls called Vicky and Christina, and about the city of Barcelona. More about the girls in a minute,firstly I'm going to talk about the role that Barcelona played in the film.

If any of you have ever had the pleasure of visitng Barcelona, you will know what a breathtakingly beautiful city it is.The architecture of course being one of the main reasons for this,Barcelona is a city full of creativity and art,and a perfect backdrop for this film that is so very much,at least to me anyway,about the freedom that creativity and open mindedness gives a person.The setting was made great use of to express all that is desirable about life and I was so engrossed in the surroundings that I felt myself getting frequently lost in the background of the action.That is not an insult to the action,merely a compliment to the beautiful setting.

Now,onto the title characters Vicky and Christina.Christina is a chilled out,not quite sure what she wants kind of girl,and doesn't appear to be forcing herself in any particular direction.Vicky likes structure,thinks that she knows utterly what she wants in life and is very much reserved compared to Christina.I admire qualities that both characters have,and I think that is one of the aims of the film;to demonstrate that by truly being yourself and not trying to conform to anything nor rebel against anything,you can be happy.

Now,some people may hold a problem with the character of Christina because she engages in a relationship that is not monogamous.Whilst I personally do not feel that a relationship of anything other that monogamy would be succesful for me,I don't feel that the only way to be happy in a relationship is if it contains two people.Clearly a third person in a relationship could be of either great damage or great benefit and I think it is something that although not perhaps popular or percieved as 'normal' is very natural for some people,the same way as to be faithful to only one partner feels natural to a lot of people.I admire the way that Allen does not make a big deal out of the relationshop between Juan Antonio,Christina and Maria Elena,and that both a stereotypical and non-stereotypical relationship are represented. Allen shows that people can be happy in each,and that it varies from person to person.I liked how the film demonstrated the perspective of a woman very much of a monogamous nature to not have a big problem with Christina's relationship.This to me was stating how you can be of one disposition without requiring to disaprove of the other.

Unlike many,I enjoyed the narration used throughout the film and felt that this stylistic touch gave the film a distinct tone and created the feeling of inclusive narration,the story was being told to you personally as a viewer.Instead of viewing the use of narration to establish the characters as lazy film making,I feel it was sensible as the film was not about the story of how Vicky and Christina came to be the way they currently were,it was about how they progressed from there and to spend any more time than neccessary establishing this I don't feel would have made the film any better,in fact I feel it would have been considerably less intelligent film making than the use of such a device to further the action more speedily.

Overall this film is both beautiful and challenging.The film is about a lot of things and what I've taken from it may not be the same as others.But art,and I believe film to be art,is of course subjective.A stunning and considerably moving film that made me think about a lot of things.

Until Next Time

First things first,I'm a big Buffy and Angel fan.And we're talking huge here. So any show that is said to be good and is based around the same kind of supernatural,myths and legends kind of stuff I'm usually willing to give a go,if only to reaffirm to myself that nobody does this stuff like Whedon does.That being said,I was pleasantly surprised by Supernatural,and am officially a fan of the adventures of the Winchester boys. Whilst for me personally Whedon's creations will always stand a level above the rest,this show is fast paced,witty,dark,scary and exciting.It is set to fantastic rock music [of which I am also a big fan] and lets face it,stars two not particularly unnatractive guys.

The stories are dark and eerie,each episode feels like a little mini horror movie. They don't hold back on the frights and there is a substanial amount of blood and gore to contend with.I like the fact that most of the stories are based on ghost stories,rumours of true happenings and urban legends.It gives the wackiness a slight realism to it.

As intriguing as the stories are however,it is the drama that really makes this show watchable.The relationship between the brothers is interesting and has a lot of levels to it,which are throughout season one unveiled slightly and slowly. Their individual and joint relationship with their father is also intriguing and not the typical happy family set up you might expect to find in a show who's main theme is family.

Overall,this is a show that manages to take the successful elements of a drama series [conflict and relationships mainly] and the benefits of engaging an audience through the genre of horror and combine them to make a hybrid that is extremely successful as far as entertainment goes.It's not the most intellectual show I've ever watched and it's slightly lacking in overall series arc story,but it's good to watch.And so far,what I've seen of season two is pretty good aswell.

Until Next Time

Ok so you know,and you will if you read this and won't if you don't (just go with it),how I was an employee of the rather great Build A Bear Workshop over Christmas?
Well,I'm heading back there.
They'd mentioned when I left that when there was a position free that they would phone me back and offer me it before it was advertised.That phonecall came on Tuesday.
I pretty much knew I was going to accept it when it was offered to me and I found out it was permanent,but I was a bit worried about two things:

1.My friend Kirsty had just come to work with me at the cafe in Portobello
2.I was kind of nervous about breaking this news to my current boss.

But I decided I did want to go back and have told my current boss.She's all fine with it and Kirsty understands.So,I start back Sunday.

I'm really looking forward to it as I've missed the people there and the atmosphere.

Here's hoping it goes well.

Megan

So finally its the February holidays.Prelims are over,media production is done and I've got almost two weeks of relaxation ahead of me. Prelim's went pretty much as expected.
Failed maths but got enough to be allowed to sit the exam,so that's ok.You needed 30% to be allowed to sit the exam and 50% to actually get a pass.I got 49%.Typical.
Got 58% for English,which is 2% off a B!Was really a bit pissed off about that because I thought I'd done much better on close reading.
Got 83% for History,which is an A I think.
And finally,got 100% for drama! So an A! Was well chuffed with that one.
Passed my Media NAB and got Excellent for all aspects.Mr. Cairns says that if it were in the exam,it would be an A essay so that's good.

Media production was yesterday. Went pretty well,although I don't have a very clear picture of what the finished film is going to look like.I got to take on a pretty strong directorial role which was good for experience. We had proper lighting this time round which was also good because I didn't have the experience last time we shot of having a very hot,very confined shooting space.That did add to making the experience a bit more stressful but more realistic.We also had a very,very short shooting schedule so it was pretty manic. But overall it was good. We were in school until like half eight and left our mark by ripping the One Way System and Fire Exit signs off of the walls. [We're moving school so the old building's getting destroyed after the holidays,I don't make a habit of vandalism.]
Pretty good night,with lots of food and good music for the breaks between shooting.
Good times really.

Until Next Time

At night I go to sleep and pray he's watching over me.
Somewhere there's a star that's shining,
so bright that I can see you smile.
And all that I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye.

Ok so my Grandpa's funeral is over.Now please don't read this if people talking openly about difficult emotions is hard for you.But I need to get this out somewhere.

First off I went to see him in the coffin the night before the funeral.If you've never seen a dead body before,this was my experience of it. I was kind of nervous going in.I mean I'm a person that's watched waaay too many episodes of t.v,plus you don't want to believe the person you're going to see is actually dead,because that makes it more real.So I guess paranoia was kind of getting the better of me. But I was fine and I went in. When we got in the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. Like totally silent quiet. Upon looking at my Grandpa I just broke down. I hadn't really cried much since hearing about his death but seeing him there,so evidently dead,just made it so much more real.Another thing that made it real was the lid of the coffin stands upright against the wall beside the coffin and it had his name and his year of birth and year of death engraved on it.That made it seem real to me for some reason.Anyway,another thing I noticed was how still he was.Obviously,he's dead so that's a given,but it was still strange.I've often wondered how you know that a person's dead just by looking at them and after seeing him I understand why.I mean there's no way you couldn't tell he was dead.I thought dead people might just look like people who were asleep.But no way,they're totally totally still and very much dead looking.Very pale,very dead.Not scary.Kind of strange,but not scary.Anyway,he looked much more peaceful than he did in the hospital so that was better I suppose.I was really scared to touch him for a while,but when I did,his skin felt soft and kind of waxy,and of course freezing cold.I got to let a lot out and cry properly for the first time.I felt better for doing it,even though it was extremely hard and probably the weirdest experience of my life to date.

Friday was the day of the funeral. It was very,very hard. I had worried that I wouldn't be able to cry on the day,because I'd just felt numb about it all really.But God did I cry.We went to see him again in the morning and this time a whole new set of feelings went with it.I knew this was the last time I was going to see him and it felt awful.You know when people say heart wrenching pain.Well that's what this was,I could feel the sadness literally in my chest around my heart.It was awful.Saying bye was really hard.I kissed him on the forehead,said I love you and said bye-bye.It was really hard to get the words out but I just done it and left.I felt afterwards that I'd rushed myself a bit,but I couldn't go back in because my mum and Hazel [her sister] were there and they obviously needed their time to say their last goodbye.Then going in the car behind the hearse was the next bit I found hard.You could see the coffin and I just kept thinking that my Grandpa was locked in there.Horrible thing,I know.The worst part was when the hearse turned into the crematorium and you saw the full coffin.I broke down a bit then aswell.I didn't like getting out of the car and having everybody looking at us.Hazel didn't either so we just went quickly in to the chapel.The service was lovely and really fitted to my Grandpa and I feel that,even though it was hard,it was nice at the same time and it definately made me feel a lot better.The flowers were beautiful and the things said summed him up perfectly.There was a massive turn out and you know how people always say that a dead person touched lots of peoples' lives,well I can tell that he really did.He was liked and admired by so many people for all the different qualities her had.I loved this man,and I'm thankful for all the times that when I said it to him tears would well up in his wee sensitive eyes.I'm thankful for all the stories of his years in the merchant navy I've heard.I'm thankful for the way he was proud of me and Martin.I'm thankful for the way he knew I was there on that last night in the hospital,and that he made an effort even though he couldn't talk,to acknowledge my presence.I loved him.And I know he's at peace now.The funeral gave me closure and I know that he is at rest and with my Granny now. Rest in Peace Grandpa.I'll miss you and love you always.
Megan x

Hey everyone.Happy new year to you.This post marks the two year anniversary of my blog and the one year anniversary of these round ups.A big shout out to those select few who continue to read my ramblings after all this time.Ok,so January.Well all in all its been an slow and painful start to the year.Looking back at this blog,it seems that January is never a good time for me.The month has had its ups,but overall,its been a small disaster that I'm glad to have over with.So here we go,from the top.

Hogmany

Was alright as Hogmany celebrations go.It started off at my friend Kirsty's then progressed to five of my friends staying at mines.I made an utter fool of myself,managing to throw up three times before midnight.But I brought in the bells cheerfully none the less,and then we had some fun with singstar and guitar hero.Overall a good night that would have been better if I'd laid off the vodka slightly at the start of the night.Lesson Learned.

New Job

As I was only a Christmas Temp. at Build A Bear,I finished up there on the 3rd of January. It was sad to say goodbye to everyone and I miss working there.However,I've also got a new job.Now I work at a cafe that my Uncle's Girlfriend's Mum owns [mouthful I know].It's a really nice little place,right by the beach.And what's more,my friend Kirsty has also come to work with me there now aswell.It doesn't pay as well but it's less hours which means I have a bit more time to relax than I did at Build A Bear.Overall,it's pretty good and I'm enjoying it.

Films

Not seen any this month. But I've bought a few. I can't really remember which ones.They include:
The Big Lebowski - Verdict - Awesome.
Jackie Brown - Verdict - Undecided,but,and don't shoot me,I think it's my least favourite Tarantino film.
American Beauty - Still love it.You've got to love Spacey.
The Virgin Suicides - Pretty good.

And more.

Tv

Supernatural - I bought and watched Season One [as I said I would] and it's great.Ended on a big cliffhanger so season two is on the way already Well written,quite scary and just overall my kind of show.

Heroes - I gave up.I'm just gonna buy the dvds when they come out and watch it then.

Friends - I got the complete box set for Christmas.And I'm on season four already.It's repetitive silly humour,but that why we love it.You don't have to pay attention and you don't have to take it seriously,its just a bit of fun.

And yay:

Lost Season Five! - I'm rather happy that I can finally include this in my round up again. The first two episodes were great,but I can't help but say they raised more questions than they gave answers.But that's Lost for you,Amazing episodes and I can't wait till tonight's episode three - Jughead.

Paris

My friends and I are finally definately going.Our apartment is booked,meaning we have to go.The flights are soon to follow.It's going to be a highlight of the year and I can't wait.

Prelims
English - Could have gone better,could have gone worse.
Drama - First part was bad.Second part was ok.
Maths - Disaster.
History - I don't think I'm going to sit it,for reasons which I'll explain in a mo.

Hair
Ok so it's two years down the line now since I found out I have alopecia.I've kind of adjusted to it as a part of my life,and it's currently probably at the best it's been,despite still having bits coming out.Two years is a long time to constantly be thinking about something.To constantly have to deal with all the things this stupid fucker of a thing brings with it.But I think I've done well.And I'm proud of myself.The biggest thing I've learnt over the past two years is that the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is completely and utterly true and I wouldn't have the strength I have today without going through this.However,I've had to realise that this is something I'm going to have to cope with for a long time yet.It's not going to be a quick fix.And that part of it has made the 'anniversary' [so to speak] of it developing pretty tough.

31st January
Now to the reason I won't be sitting my history prelim - I can't concentrate to revise because my Grandpa passed away yesterday morning [2.30am,31st January].He'd been in hospital for four weeks and was really ill.Basically there was a whole bundle of things wrong with him all working together,and he eventually died of heart failure [not kidney failure as it was expected,so maybe it was more peaceful,I dunno?].I last seen him on Friday night,which I'm glad I done.It was really hard to see him on Friday.He couldn't speak,couldn't breath properly and he looked so distressed [the nurses told my mum that the way he looked was normal for what he was going through and assured us that he wasn't in any pain because of the drugs they had him on] I felt so sorry for him lying there like that not being able to do anything for himself,and I know that he wouldn't have wanted to go on for a long period of time like that.As awful as it might sound,I'm glad he didn't have to go on like that for a long time.The doctors had told us that he probably wasn't going to make it through this weekend,so his death didn't come as a shock,and I felt that in a way I'd been able to build myself up a bit for it.I knew when I seen him on Friday that I probably wouldn't see him again so I got to say goodbye in a way that feels more real than when my Granny died.I feel a mixture of things right now.Obviously I'm upset,but I'm not angry.I know he's in a better place now and at peace.This may seem kind of strange but I feel bad,because I'm ok.Because I'm just dealing with it.I've barely even cried.I know that you don't have to show big emotional outbursts for it to mean that you're grieving for the person,or that it means any more if you do have big emotional outbursts.I just thought I'd take it worse somehow.Anyway I can't really say anything else on the matter so;RIP Grandpa,you'll be missed.uotability

Kirsty: Double-Oh-Total-Tit

Grandpa: They're always pumping stuff into you in here.They wake you up just to feed you fucking sleeping pills! he had a great sense of humour

Kirsty: What are you laughing at?
Jamie: I'm not,I'm gagging.

Catherine Tate: When I was younger I had two main goals,does anybody know what they were?
Alan Carr: To shag the chuckle brothers?!

Kirsty: That was just Jamie going past on his bicycle and I was sitting in the basket up front.

Honourable Mention goes to Jamie who,when trying to revise for a media nab,made his essays fit to songs.This culminated in: Just Fail! [a parody of Just Dance]

Dale[Pineappple Express]: Why don't you go fuck yourself you weird little prick?

Kelly's Mum[Anne]: Are you having crips in the bowls or are you having Harry-B-O?

Hurley[Lost]: Dude,I thought this was supposed to be a safe house.We never should have left that island!

John[Lost]: What's this
Alpert: It's a compass.
John: What does it do?
Alpert: It points north,John.

Sawyer[Lost]: Everybody I care about just blew up on your damn boat!I know what I can't change!

Jack[Lost]: They'll think you're crazy.
Hurley: That's what backs me up.

Sawyer[Lost]: Ease up there frogurt.
Neil: It's Neil you inbred!

Pandora[Skins]: My mouth's gone numb.

Overall

This month has been pretty bad for me.I've had a flu bug thats made me feel ill for a large percentage of the past fortnight.My hair,although I'm coping with it,I've had to realise its probably something I'm going to have to cope with for a very long time yet,and thats hard to face.My prelims have stressed me out too much,and I think I'm going to fail maths totally.My Grandpa passing away has ended this month with a feeling of fear about the next week,because I've never gone to a funeral and I've never seen a dead body,which although I don't have to,I want to go to the funeral parlour and say bye at a time when he looks peaceful rather than the way he did at the hospital.So,here's hoping February proves a better month.Hope I've not depressed you all too much.

Until Next Time
Megan