Me,My Life & I

My stupid alopecia is getting back to the state it was in when it was at its worst,and I don't know what to do.I have always felt there is a purpose to this whole shitty debacle,and that it will all eventually be ok.But currently I'm really struggling to see it.I'm just so scared that it's gonna just keep getting worse,because before it's always stopped coming out just before it got too much to hide,but now it's just getting worse and worse.I don't know what to do.I'm scared of how angry its making me.There's not a night over the past week I've not cried myself to sleep over it.And whats worse is I still have to put on this fucking fake 'I'm Ok' face for everyone around me.Nobody understands it and I just feel that if I make anything of it,people will think that I'm being overdramatic because they just don't understand how hard it actually is.Its not fair,I should be enjoying these young years of my life and I feel like its just forced me to grow up more quickly because it's put the kind of constant stress on me that you don't associate with your teenage years,or at least I don't think you're supposed to.I feel so cheated because I feel that I've tried my hardest to do good,and yet I'm stuck with this shit day in day out.That makes me sound selfish,but it's only the same as everyone thinks when bad happens to them.I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel any more,and that scares me because until now I always could.I just wish it would go away and I could have my hair back and do everything with it that everyone else can.Get it cut in a nice hairdressers,style it,straighten it without burning the back of my balding head/upper neck from the heat on my hair,go out in the wind and rain without worrying about it.Go out and actually feel confident about my appearance instead of feeling secretly ugly compared to everyone around me.Get to sleep at night without crying over having to deal with it all again the next day.
I fucking hate this.With everything I am I hate it.Why has this happened and why does it continue to happen?What is the purpose in this?Importantly,where is God in all this?Why can't he show me what to do with it?
I just wish it would stop.

OK.So the BNP.I feel a little uninformed,but here's what I do know:

They are a rather openly racist party [in the thread of only white people are British I do believe?]
Whilst they do try to deny this nowadays by claiming that they do have Jewish members,holocaust deniers are rife amongst the party. [the belief that the extermination of 6 million Jewish people is a myth is one which their current leader is quoted as holding (or at least having held,even if he currently claims to have changed his views)]
They favour the idea that the government should get to decide who is British and then boot anyone who is not deemed to be so out of the country.
They are in favour of a protectionist economy [so free trade isn't a good thing then?]
They are against interracial marriage [again with the racism]
'British Jobs for British Workers' [lets increase unemployment then shall we,if only those who the BNP deem British were to be working,we'd have a drastically smaller workforce]
Has its origins in the neo-nazi organisation the National Front [anti black violence in the 70's anyone?]

You get the idea.

Now then,my question is,why have the British people voted for them in the European Elections?
It worries me very much that the British people to some extent feel their views represented in a party so evidently racist.One of the things I love about this country is the fact that we are made up of people with cultures and beliefs from all over the world.We are extremely diverse as a nation and I had thought us to be quite accepting of other people and cultures.The fact that people feel represented by this party shocks me as it seems to me to be a step backwards to less acceptance and surely acceptance and the gaining of knowledge about other cultures is something we as a country should be striving for if we are not to be ignorant as a nation?

I feel that the rise in support for the BNP is due primarily to two things: Firstly the current economic climate and secondly the apathy of voters.

It can be seen thoughout history that when a country faces economic hardship the peoples' support for parties outwith those in power/those most popular grows.This is most likely due to the feeling that those in power are either causing the problems or doing nothing to improve things.It just worries me that our support seems to be going to a party with views that will take us backwards if ever they came to have a fuller effect on us.How would that solve any problems we're currently facing?

Secondly I feel people are drastically uninformed about different parties and their policies.I'm not of age to vote but I think there should be more education about politics in school so that when we do turn 18 we are well informed and able to make a wise and fair choice.People aren't being provided with enough information and can't be bothered to find out,so perhaps a percentage of the votes the BNP recieved were out of pure apathy.People had seen their apparently appealing propoganda and thought they looked alright.

Maybe a third reason is the fact that some people want to see a return to more traditional values in Britain.By all means then,vote conservatively.Don't vote for a party who hold extremely backwards views in an attempt to oppose change.

I am in favour of the democracy that has brought the BNP their new seats,but I do not understand how anyone in their right mind could see them as representative of their views.I can only hope that the general election,when it comes,will flatten them.

Apologies if I come across as just another uninformed teenager,but I believe the information I have included in this post to be true in terms of BNP policy etc.The rest is personal opinion.

Your thoughts

Until Next Time

Hey everyone,hope you're all well.Sorry this is so late,I've had exams and other stuff going on this week.May has been a hectic month and now it's over things feel immediately better in some areas but drastically worse in others.I'll explain...

Jamie's Birthday

This started the month off nice and cheerily.A party always does that.There was a massive box of gifts,lots of chinese food and people jumping out with silly string involved.GOOD TIMES.

Exams

Yep,it was this time of year again,pretty shitty for everyone involved.Overall things went pretty average I'd say.I'm hoping for mainly B's,except maths which is either a fail or a C (but that's all I was going for anyway).I need an A and 3 B's for Uni though so....Anyway.I found myself pretty motivated at the start of the month,but then after maths on the 21st I had until the 2nd June before I had another exam,and the motivation just went.Then my last exam was on the 3rd and on the night of the 2nd I was up till 5.30am with a migraine,throwing up.So not much revision got done for that.Overall,I think I've done ok.Or at least I'm hoping so.

Hoors

I went to see Gregory Burke's new play at the Traverse this month.Got to say,I wasn't impressed.Black Watch was so much better.

Hair

Ok so I have now come to believe that this hair shit is directly related to stress levels,because over the past month I've basically gone back to square bloody one again around the back of my head.Pisses me off because I've waited 2 and 1/2 years for all that to come back in,for it to fall out again.When is this going to fucking end?

Film and Television

Seen quite a few in the cinema this month:

Hannah Montana:The Movie - Not worth seeing.At least in my eyes.

Coraline - Very,very good.The use of 3D is particularly fantastic.A really magical film.

Tormented - Very good fun.A good teen movie,not to be taken seriously.

Angels and Demons - Alright.Better than the Da Vinci code I'd say.

Obsessed - Very enjoyable.Probably not to be taken too seriously,but it's good fun to watch and the female leads are rather good.

I've also seen a few on dvd/tv:

The Silence of the Lambs - Breathtakingly good.I was shocked I hadn't watched it before I did.

Burn After Reading - Weird.But I like it.Great cast and hilariously funny.

Dan In Real Life - A very nice film.Steve Carrell is fantastic,as always.

Australia - Looks nice,but goes on far too long.

The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas - A really,really saddening movie.It just breaks your heart.Everyone should see this as it really does open your eyes to the reality of what Hitler and his Nazis done.

Now for television:

Dollhouse - It's started airing over here now and so I've been watching it.I'm still only on episode two but it looks set to be pretty good.Not as quick paced a start as his other shows,but I've heard that Whedon really pulls it out of the bag in the second half of the season,so I'm holding out till then.

Louis Theroux:A Place for Paedophiles - I'd commented last month asking if anyone had watched this.I caught it on iplayer the second time around and it was pretty shocking.For the majority it did not seem they were aware of what was wrong about their actions.I have always said that paedophiles once imprisoned should stay there and this did not change my opinion.My reasoning for this is the only way to monitor if the rehab programme is effective is to release these men into situations where they could offend again,and I don't think that that is a reasonable risk to be taking.Definately worth a watch.

Lost - So it's all over for another year and I must say this years finale was mind blowing.Utterly.They pulled out all the stops and season six looks set to be fantastic.Josh Holloway and Elizabeth Mitchell had better get some kind of recognition for that scene near the end.I was in floods of tears.Lots of answers,and in typical Lost fashion,lots of new questions.I can't wait till next year now!Just think,this time next year I'll probably still be crying because it'll all be over.Ah well,all good things have got to come to an end,and I feel this is going to be ended at a good time.

And now for the bad stuff....

My family and I have this idea,we're cursed with bad luck.We call it 'The Lackie Luck'. I don't mean for particularly big things - it's always little situations that you would never think possible to happen,they always occur to or around us.ESPECIALLY WHEN ON HOLIDAY!However,this Lackie Luck thing took a new turn this month as ALL OF OUR HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES STARTED TO BREAK DOWN! The oven is broken,the washing machine is broken,the boiler is broken and now the electricity might be breaking down too!We are facing going without hot water for 5-7 weeks because of some situation with the electrics linked to the boiler.It's actually making me laugh because you'd never believe it all unless it happened to you.It does make you thankful for what you have though I suppose.

Quotability

Sheldon [The Big Bang Theory] - I am given to believe that there is an etire city in Nevad designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems.It will replace them with new problems such as alcoholism,gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.

Kuthrapali [The Big Bang Theory] - What do you say Howard?
Howard - I say...VEGAS BABY!
Kuthrapali - What are you going to tell you mother?
Howard - Seaworld baby!

Kirsty - Chips:70p.Big Mac:£2.Irn Bru:£1.The look on Laura's face as she throws food in the air and goes down like a bitch: Priceless.

Gina - That's so cute.You can't even see the kids.
Megan - That's because they're at the toilet.

Michael Buckley - And on my report card my teacher wrote 'Michael really perked up classroom activities.'I think she was just trying to say your son is a flaming homosexual.Get thee to a nunnery.No more madonna videos.

Overall

Overall I'm glad May is over.June should be a bit more chilled out.Wish me luck with all the failures of household appliances.If anything,it should make June interesting

Until Next Time